1. I am here.  I was born 47 years ago today and didn’t have a thing in the world to do with it.
2. I am still here.  I wonder sometimes, especially on my birthday, what the 25-year-old me would have thought of the 47-year-old me, if I would have been so disappointed I’d have gone ahead and killed myself.  And I might have, except by my 26th birthday I was living in a transient hotel with bags of trash and cans and bottles piled up in the closet and bugs crawling around on the ceiling, and I was pretty goddamn disgusted with myself and not interested in living much anyway.  THIS is life beyond my wildest dreams.  Whatever grandiose fantasies I might have had at 25, I couldn’t have imagined simply not wanting to kil myself.
3. I did not drink today.  The night of my 21st birthday I started on the evening of the 2nd and was primed for that first legal drink at McSorley’s at midnight.  There’s lost time and alcohol poisoning in there and at some point on the 4th I roused myself from the vomit soaked sheets and ate some watermelon.  I might have had, in some sense, more fun that night, but this was an infinitely more enjoyable birthday.
4. All the FaceBook messages and texts and in-person greetings from friends and family today.  It may not be much to other people, but I was genuinely touched that there were at least 24 people out there who took the moment to respond to their little Facebook prompts and wish me happy birthday.
5. Gordon and Pattie, who took me to a late lunch at Patsy’s.  I cheated on my vegetarianism and had sausage on my pizza with pepper and onions, partly because I just wanted sausage, but also because Gordon was having it on his side of the pie and I wanted us to share toppings, though he didn’t want peppers and onions.

Many thanks,

Me

P.S.  Still here