- The last time I got drunk was 14 years ago today. Sitting at my desk I thought I needed something from Staples and so left the office at 11:00 and never came back. I spent the afternoon at P.J. King’s on 34th street, threw up around 7:00, finished my beer and then made the phone call.
- The strength and wisdom to tell Judy not to call me if she’s had a drink in the past 24 hours. Her friend Bob called today to tell me how worried he is about her, that she’ seen on a weeklong 24/7 bender. He didn’t want me to do anything, he just wanted to talk to someone who knew her.
- The avocado and cucumber sandwich I had for dinner.
- The fun I’m beginning to have with OKCupid. Having let go of the results and sending messages without turning over my self-esteem to a stranger. There have been a few replies (about 10%) which is just enough for me not to feel miserable.
- The opportunity to speak on the 12 Step at Al-Anon today. I went through my experience with Sarah and how I used them to get past the overwhelming nuclear despair I felt after the incident. Moving from an awareness that my reaction was out of proportion, and could be described as insane, to the willingness to let You help me with it, the inventory of myself to see what it was about, then discussing it with someone and becoming willing for you to lift that corrosive dependence of other people for approval. There wasn’t much room for 8 or 9 there, as I didn’t owe her an ammends, but I did look at it and consider it, whether I should offer ammends for making her uncomfortable and the answer was no. 10: the end-of-the-day gratitude list (this) which set me up to find the gratitude for the incident later when telling the story in front of Preston. 11: the awareness that only You can provide the approval I need and only You can provide me with self-esteem, and prayer and meditation is how I will find it. 12: sharing the experience today was, hopefully, of help to others.
Many thanks,
Me